Who we are
Our website address is: https://www.dominguezcycles.com. We are one or more of the People. We are amused by your simian antics and choose to interact with you for purposes of learning and enlightenment. Yours and ours.
What personal data we collect and why we collect it…
Humans are generally stupid creatures. Nearly 50% of all humans are of below-average intelligence, and it is often reflected in their comments. And, 99% of the remaining aren’t much more clever. That’s why we don’t allow humans to leave comments on our web site. If you’re one of the remaining 0.5% of mentally competent humans (you did the math, didn’t you?), it’s unlikely you have any need to leave a publicly visible comment…you’ll have figured out how to send us a private e-mail to give us your well-considered opinion or feedback. And, if you’re one of the lucky ones to whom we have responded, you’ll probably have our phone number too, so you can just call us.
Of course, if you’re capable of reading this, you’ve also probably figured out we don’t give a shit about your unsolicited opinion, which isn’t worth it’s weight in bytes to anyone but your mother anyway. Hi, mom!
We don’t allow you to upload images to our website, because this is our web site, not yours. Go post your stupid, shitty photos on your own damn web site. How many selfies can you take? That light makes you look stupid and that shirt makes you look like you fell off a mountain. How about leaving the camera off? Did that help? You really don’t have to keep every photo, either.
No cookies for you.
If you manage to leave a comment on our site, we will hunt you down and kill you without warning. No quarter shall be given. For you stupid people, that means “no mercy”, not, like, you know, “I won’t give you twenty five cents if you manage to leave a comment on my web site.”
If you manage to log in to this site, we will also hunt you down and kill you without warning. And your little dog, too.
If you manage to edit or publish an article, see above. Plus, we will eradicate all of your living relatives, your friends, and their pets.
Shit. Maybe we’ll just nuke you all from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.
Embedded content from other websites
Articles on this site may include embedded content (e.g. videos, images, articles, etc.). Embedded content from other web sites behaves in the exact same way as if the visitor has visited the other web site.
However, we don’t care what other web sites do with your data: You are responsible for your browsing habits and to those things to which you choose to be exposed. Kittens. They’re on the web…everywhere. So be careful out there, people!
With whom we share your data…
We don’t share your data with anyone on earth, because your data aren’t worth an empty promise. However, we do make an effort to share your data with your galactic overlords, for their own amusement and their inevitable judgment and eradication of your species.
In addition, we store all personal information we may obtain about you, just in case we need to find you for any reason and bend you to our will, or disintegrate you outright. Or just wish you a happy birthday and long life. We’re particular, fastidious, and fickle. You were warned.
How long we retain your data
We retain your data for all eternity, or until it ceases to amuse your galactic overlords, whichever may be the case.
What rights you have over your data
You have no rights over “your” data. You’re swimming in a public cesspool of your own creation. In any case, you wouldn’t know a fucking right from a fucking entitlement. Either way, you should be spayed or neutered, as applicable. You’ve probably given away all of your “rights” to pay someone yearly fees to exercise “privileges”. You probably have no idea what any of this means. Go back to watching the u-tubes.
Where we send your data
We send all of the data we collect about you to our main office located near 51 Ophiuchi. Your galactic overlords are amused by your silly simian antics. They wonder: Why you don’t all cooperate in your own evolution rather than competing for your common destruction?
Your contact information
We use your contact information only for planetary conquest purposes. We never sell your contact information to other humans because your fiat currency is worthless.
How we protect your data
We don’t protect your data. Your data are beneath consideration. Your data are meaningless whimpers amidst a laughing cosmos.
What data breach procedures we have in place
See “Site Access”, above. We may show mercy and punish data breaches with lifetime enslavement, since that appears to be your preferred state.
What automated decision making and/or profiling we do with user data
Our Omnipotent Global Orbital Destruction Devices (OGODD) are fully autonomous and capable of rendering judgment in picoseconds using all the data we collect about you. You won’t feel a thing.